This article appears on the Andrew Christian website. Click here to be taken to the full-length version.

Our culture seems to think we can get over a bad break-up just by re-entering the dating pool. “Get back out there,” they say. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone,” they say. But when has that ever been the case for matters of the heart? Relationships linger in our thoughts well after we say goodbye, and for most of us it’s actually a bad idea to jump back into another person’s arms (or bed) right after a break-up.

Of course, if you’re able to separate sex from emotional intimacy, hooking up with someone can be harmless. But when are you ready to actually date again?

#1 YOU AREN’T HUNG UP ON YOUR EX

One sign to pay attention to is how often you talk about your ex. If it has been weeks since you’ve spoken of or alluded to your ex, you’re probably moving on from him (yay!).

#2 YOU DON’T HATE BEING SINGLE

Some of us prefer to be in a relationship—which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you find yourself playing the role of a serial monogamist, it’s time to take a break and figure out why past relationships don’t seem to stick. Serial monogamists often feel uncomfortable being single, which can lead them to jump into new relationships without resolving the emotional baggage they are carrying from their last relationship. A general rule for anyone after a break-up is to wait until you’re comfortable being single before actively seeking a new partner.

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