dating

6 Signs you’re ready to date after a break-up

/ Nicholas Velotta / Leave a comment

This article appears on the Andrew Christian website. Click here to be taken to the full-length version.

Our culture seems to think we can get over a bad break-up just by re-entering the dating pool. “Get back out there,” they say. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone,” they say. But when has that ever been the case for matters of the heart? Relationships linger in our thoughts well after we say goodbye, and for most of us it’s actually a bad idea to jump back into another person’s arms (or bed) right after a break-up.

Of course, if you’re able to separate sex from emotional intimacy, hooking up with someone can be harmless. But when are you ready to actually date again?

#1 YOU AREN’T HUNG UP ON YOUR EX

One sign to pay attention to is how often you talk about your ex. If it has been weeks since you’ve spoken of or alluded to your ex, you’re probably moving on from him (yay!).

#2 YOU DON’T HATE BEING SINGLE

Some of us prefer to be in a relationship—which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you find yourself playing the role of a serial monogamist, it’s time to take a break and figure out why past relationships don’t seem to stick. Serial monogamists often feel uncomfortable being single, which can lead them to jump into new relationships without resolving the emotional baggage they are carrying from their last relationship. A general rule for anyone after a break-up is to wait until you’re comfortable being single before actively seeking a new partner.

Continue to the full-length article here.

Is he taking it slow or just not that into me?

/ Nicholas Velotta / Leave a comment

This article appears on the Andrew Christian website. Click here to be taken to the full-length version.

It has become a true talent to know whether the guy you’re seeing is serious about dating you or just killing time. As with most innovations in dating culture, this has a good and a bad side to it. The good: you don’t have to prematurely jump into a relationship just to lock it down before someone else does. The bad: a lot of guys take advantage of the gray area between “friends” and “more than friends” just to keep a full social calendar.

Sooner or later though, you get tired of the chase. How many dates can you go on without a clue as to where things may—or may not—be heading? If you’re to believe TV dating tropes, three dates is the benchmark, or at least that’s when sex is supposed to occur (if not earlier). But what if sex hasn’t happened yet and it’s date number six? Or, what if sex has happened but you can’t get a read on how he feels? You still like the guy, but according to all your friends (both real and imaginary), he probably isn’t as into you as you are into him.

Is this where modern daters are stuck? We either have to bench a guy for not being interested enough or be his bench warmer until he finds someone better.

Continue to the full-length article here.

This is why Valentine’s Day matters, even if you’re single

/ Nicholas Velotta / Leave a comment

This article appears on the Andrew Christian website. Click here to be taken to the full-length version.

No holiday has garnered as much skepticism as Valentine’s Day. And I’ll start out by saying I have no disillusionment about changing that fact with a blog post. Nonetheless, as someone who has dedicated their career to studying love and relationships, I do think we’re a bit too down on what is supposed to be a day dedicated to romance.

If people aren’t griping about expenses, then they’re protesting commercialism. And god forbid you’re single on Valentine’s Day!

A (FALSE) FIGHT AGAINST CAPITALISM

Truth is, these protests demonstrate America’s confusion regarding something as impractical as love. After all, our culture demands efficiency, practicality, and putting yourself first. On the other hand, love demands vulnerability, putting someone else first, and delving into unfamiliar emotions. Celebrating Valentine’s Day, it could be argued, is more rebellious than disliking the holiday based on your own capitalist biases.

Continue to the full-length article here.

When to take him home for the Holidays?

/ Nicholas Velotta / Leave a comment

This article appears on the Andrew Christian website. Click here to be taken to the full-length version. 

So you want to know if you’re making the right decision: to bring him home or to put it off. Fortunately, we live in a time that we can actually ask ourselves whether it’s time for our bf to meet the fam. It wasn’t too long ago that most gay couples knew the answer was almost always “no.”

Even still, we live in an era of blurred lines where “dating” can mean anything from casual bed-buddies to long-term lovers and the point where us needs to meet them lies in murky waters. For the sake of your holiday season sanity though, let’s try to break this down.