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Being a romantic comes with its fair share of risks; over-idealizing someone you’ve never met, falling head over heels after a first date, watching rom-coms and crying yourself to sleep after a break-up. (Just me?) But along with all the idiosyncrasies of die-hard romanticism, sentimentalists tend to hold onto what a relationship means to them well after parting ways with their beloved.

We face the mix of rejection and wanton physical longing that encapsulates the “break-up”, and getting back with our ex, even if just for a night, can be tempting. But is this always a “bad idea”? Are we beating a dead horse? Eating day old cake out of the trash? Or—more admirably—are we simply getting closure, a quick fuck, or searching for familiarity in the midst of heartbreak?

I don’t think there’s a true golden rule when it comes to sex with a former lover, but there are important boxes to check-off before jumping back into bed with someone who’s potentially disastrous for your mental and emotional well-being. (And sneak preview: most of them have to do with motivations.)

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